Standard Disclaimers

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Read­ing Time: 5 min­utes

This prod­uct is meant for edu­ca­tion­al pur­pos­es only. Any resem­blance to real per­sons, liv­ing or dead is pure­ly coin­ci­den­tal. Void where pro­hib­it­ed. Some assem­bly required. List each check sep­a­rate­ly by bank num­ber. Bat­ter­ies not includ­ed. Con­tents may set­tle dur­ing ship­ment. Use only as direct­ed. No oth­er war­ran­ty expressed or implied. Do not use while oper­at­ing a motor vehi­cle or heavy equip­ment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Sub­ject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell secu­ri­ties. Apply only to affect­ed area. May be too intense for some view­ers. Do not stamp. Use oth­er side for addi­tion­al list­ings. For recre­ation­al use only. Do not dis­turb. All mod­els over 18 years of age. If con­di­tion per­sists, con­sult your physi­cian. No user-ser­vice­able parts inside. Fresh­est if eat­en before date on car­ton. Sub­ject to change with­out notice. Times approx­i­mate. Sim­u­lat­ed pic­ture. No postage nec­es­sary if mailed in the Unit­ed States. Break­ing seal con­sti­tutes accep­tance of agree­ment. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suit­cas­es look alike. Con­tains a sub­stan­tial amount of non-tobac­co ingre­di­ents. Col­ors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slip­pery when wet. For office use only. Not affil­i­at­ed with the Amer­i­can Red Cross. Drop in any mail­box. Edit­ed for tele­vi­sion. Keep cool. process prompt­ly. Post office will not deliv­er with­out postage. List was cur­rent at time of print­ing. Return to sender, no for­ward­ing order on file, unable to for­ward. Not respon­si­ble for direct, indi­rect, inci­den­tal or con­se­quen­tial dam­ages result­ing from any defect, error or fail­ure to per­form. At par­tic­i­pat­ing loca­tions only. Not the Bea­t­les. Penal­ty for pri­vate use. See label for sequence. Sub­stan­tial penal­ty for ear­ly with­draw­al. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost tick­et pays max­i­mum rate. Your can­celed check is your receipt. Add ton­er. Place stamp here. Avoid con­tact with skin. San­i­tized for your pro­tec­tion. Be sure each item is prop­er­ly endorsed. Sign here with­out admit­ting guilt. Slight­ly high­er west of the Mis­sis­sip­pi. Employ­ees and their fam­i­lies are not eli­gi­ble. Beware of dog. Con­tes­tants have been briefed on some ques­tions before the show. Lim­it­ed time offer, call now to ensure prompt deliv­ery. You must be present to win. No pass­es accept­ed for this engage­ment. No pur­chase nec­es­sary. Processed at loca­tion stamped in code at top of car­ton. Shad­ing with­in a gar­ment may occur. Use only in a well-ven­ti­lat­ed are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for vet­er­ans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equip­ment shown is option­al. Price does not include tax­es. No Cana­di­an coins. Not rec­om­mend­ed for chil­dren. Pre­re­cord­ed for this time zone. Repro­duc­tion strict­ly pro­hib­it­ed. No solic­i­tors. No alco­hol, dogs or hors­es. No anchovies unless oth­er­wise spec­i­fied. Restau­rant pack­age, not for resale. List at least two alter­nate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before dig­ging. Dri­ver does not car­ry cash. Some of the trade­marks men­tioned in this prod­uct appear for iden­ti­fi­ca­tion pur­pos­es only. Record addi­tion­al trans­ac­tions on back of pre­vi­ous stub. Unix is a reg­is­tered­trade­mark of AT&T. Do not fold, spin­dle or muti­late. No trans­fers issued until the bus comes to a com­plete stop. Pack­age sold by weight, not vol­ume. Your mileage may vary. This arti­cle does not reflect the thoughts or opin­ions of either myself, my com­pa­ny, my friends, or my cat. Don’t quote me on that. Don’t quote me on any­thing. All rights reserved. You may dis­trib­ute this arti­cle freely but you may not make a prof­it from it. Terms are sub­ject to change with­out notice. Illus­tra­tions are slight­ly enlarged to show detail. Any resem­blance to actu­al per­sons, liv­ing or dead, is unin­ten­tion­al and pure­ly coin­ci­den­tal. Do not remove this dis­claimer under penal­ty of law. Hand wash only, tum­ble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, muti­late, or spin­dle. No sub­sti­tu­tions allowed. For a lim­it­ed time only. This arti­cle is void where pro­hib­it­ed, taxed, or oth­er­wise restrict­ed. Caveat emp­tor. Arti­cle is pro­vid­ed “as is” with­out any war­ranties. Read­er assumes full respon­si­bil­i­ty. An equal oppor­tu­ni­ty arti­cle. No shoes, no shirt, no arti­cles. quan­ti­ties are lim­it­ed while sup­plies last. If any defects are dis­cov­ered, do not attempt to read them your­self, but return to an autho­rized ser­vice cen­ter. Read at your own risk. Parental advi­so­ry — explic­it lyrics. Text may con­tain explic­it mate­ri­als some read­ers may find objec­tion­able, parental guid­ance is advised. Keep away from sun­light. Keep away from pets and small chil­dren. Lim­it one-per-fam­i­ly please. No mon­ey down. No pur­chase nec­es­sary. You need not be present to win. Some assem­bly required. Bat­ter­ies not includ­ed. Instruc­tions are includ­ed. Action fig­ures sold sep­a­rate­ly. No preser­v­a­tives added. Slip­pery when wet. Safe­ty gog­gles may be required dur­ing use. Sealed for your pro­tec­tion, do not read if safe­ty seal is bro­ken. Call before you dig. Not liable for dam­ages aris­ing from use or mis­use. For exter­nal use only. If rash, irri­ta­tion, red­ness, or swelling devel­ops, dis­con­tin­ue read­ing. Read only with prop­er ven­ti­la­tion. Avoid extreme tem­per­a­tures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid con­tact with eyes and skin and avoid inhal­ing fumes. Do not punc­ture, incin­er­ate, or store above 120 degrees Fahren­heit. Do not place near a flam­ma­ble or mag­net­ic source. Smok­ing this arti­cle could be haz­ardous to your health. The best safe­guard, sec­ond only to absti­nence, is the use of a con­dom. No salt, MSG, arti­fi­cial col­or or fla­vor­ing added. If ingest­ed, do not induce vom­it­ing, and if symp­toms per­sist, con­sult a physi­cian. Warn­ing: Preg­nant women, the elder­ly, and chil­dren should avoid pro­longed expo­sure to Hap­py Fun Ball. Cau­tion: Hap­py FUn Ball may sud­den­ly accel­er­ate to dan­ger­ous speeds. Hap­py Fun Ball con­tains a liq­uid core, which if exposed due to rup­ture should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use Hap­py Fun Ball on con­crete. Dis­con­tinute use of Hap­py Fun Ball if any of the fol­low­ing occurs: Itch­ing, Ver­ti­go, Dizzi­ness, Tin­gling in extrem­i­ties, Loss of bal­ance or coor­di­na­tion, Slurred speech, Tem­po­rary blind­ness, Pro­fuse Sweat­ing, or Heart pal­pi­ta­tions. If Hap­py Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away imme­di­ate­ly. Seek shel­ter and cov­er head. Hap­py Fun Ball may stick to cer­tain types of skin. When not in use, Hap­py Fun Ball should be returned to its spe­cial con­tain­er and kept under refrig­er­a­tion. Fail­ure to do so relieves the mak­ers of Hap­py Fun Ball, Wacky Prod­ucts Incor­po­rat­ed, and it’s par­ent com­pa­ny, Glob­al Chem­i­cal Unlim­it­ed, of any and all lia­bil­i­ty. Ingre­di­ents of Hap­py Fun Ball include an unknown glow­ing sub­stance which fell to Earth, pre­sum­ably from out­er space. Hap­py Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Sau­di Ara­bia and is also being dropped by our war­planes on Iraq. Do not taunt Hap­py Fun Ball. May cause any of the afore­men­tioned effects and/or death. Arti­cles are ribbed for your plea­sure. Pos­si­ble penal­ties for ear­ly with­draw­al. Offer valid only at par­tic­i­pat­ing sites. Slight­ly high­er west of the Rock­ies. Allow four to six weeks for deliv­ery. Must be 18 to read. Dis­claimer does not cov­er mis­use, acci­dent, light­ning, flood, tor­na­do, tsuna­mi, vol­canic erup­tion, earth­quake, hur­ri­canes and oth­er Acts of God, neglect, dam­age from improp­er read­ing, incor­rect line volt­age, improp­er or unau­tho­rized read­ing, bro­ken anten­na or marred cab­i­net, miss­ing or altered ser­i­al num­bers, elec­tro­mag­net­ic radi­a­tion from nuclear blasts, son­ic boom vibra­tions, cus­tomer adjust­ments that are not cov­ered in this list, and inci­dents owing to an air­plane crash, ship sink­ing or tak­ing on water, motor vehi­cle crash­ing, drop­ping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, bro­ken glass, mud slides, for­est fire, or pro­jec­tile (which can include, but not be lim­it­ed to, arrows, bul­lets, shot, BB’s, shrap­nel, lasers, napalm, tor­pe­does, or emis­sions of X‑rays, Alpha, Beta and Gam­ma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Oth­er restric­tions may apply. This super­sedes all pre­vi­ous notices. It is under­stood that you have read and agreed with the terms stat­ed in this dis­claimer and can now go back to the world of Struc­tured Chaos.